Last
night I finally went to see Prometheus
after, well, more or less everyone else in the Western Hemisphere. Going in, my
expectations weren’t high. Yes, I was hoping for something great, but the
general critical consensus wasn’t exactly encouraging. “Yeah, it’s alright... I
guess” can only inspire so much confidence.
In
any case, it’s gotta be better than Alien:
Resurrection... right?
My
first impressions? Braveheart. I’m
not kidding, the way the camera swept down through the clouds, before rolling
over a gorgeous view of mountains, lakes and waterfalls as the opening credits
appeared made me think someone had stuck on Mel’s historical epic by accident.
As
it turns out, this wasn’t going to be Braveheart
IN SPACE, but rather Prometheus.
The Alien prequel we’ve heard
whispers about for many years, but never realistically expected to see after
Fox let it all go pear shaped with that whole Alien vs. Predator debacle. But let’s not get wrapped up in the
past.
Ancient
clues discovered by archaeologist Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) depict humanity
worshipping a race of tall humanoid beings, which Shaw dubs the “Engineers”,
who seemingly hail from a distant world. Her finds attract the attention of decrepit
billionaire Peter Weyland (Guy Pearce looking like future Biff Tannen), who
dispatches a team on the scientific vessel Prometheus
to discover the origin of life as we know it. After a two year journey across
space, the ship finally reaches its destination, and its crew are soon plunged
into an orifice-violating nightmare.
I’ll
get Prometheus’ single biggest issue
out of the way first: it feels like half a story. We’re constantly introduced
to plot points that are promptly all-but forgotten about. I don’t want to spoil
anything for the three guys who still haven’t seen it, but a lot of threads are skipped over and left
hanging. You can possibly put this incoherence down to the undeniably rushed
editing style that leaves much of the film feeling gutted. Who knows, this
could be a case where an extended Blu-ray cut isn’t totally pointless. For the
time being, we have Sequel Bait: The
Movie, and as a stand-alone film... it doesn’t work.
This
undercooked quality of writing sadly extends to the characters, as with a few
exceptions, the crew of the Prometheus
lack that special human quality which was so prevalent onboard the Nostromo. Shaw is likeable enough as a
lead (not sure what was up with Rapace's accent though), while the obligatory android, David, is
borderline fascinating (mainly thanks to yet another great performance from Michael
Fassbender), but the rest aren’t well defined at all. Charlize Theron has a number of
mood swings that all apparently revolve around her default corporate mega bitch
setting, an underused Idris Elba’s surprising transformation into Captain
Exposition in one scene left me reeling, and another character’s display of
previously unmatched stupidity made want to scream DO NOT TOUCH THE PENIS SNAKE.
And
on that phallic note, is there anything in Prometheus which even comes close to H.R. Giger’s original biomechanical terror? There are
obvious design homages to where it all began, and hints of psychosexual horror
do remain, but no. Not really. The effects team serve up a small selection of
slimy critters that, although excellent in design, don’t enliven the
imagination like one would hope, while the most impressive part of the
Engineers (previously known as Space Jockeys) are their abdominal muscles (wo-ho-oah).
It’s
not all totally disappointing, of
course. For one thing, Prometheus is
absolutely gorgeous. This is a Ridley Scott film, so one should expect nothing
less than an aesthetic treat. By extension, I loved how there was a large
reliance on practical sets for the actors to genuinely interact with. Though far
glossier in design than the dank mining vessel setting of Alien, the world of Prometheus
shares that same tangible quality which so effectively sets it apart from those
other sci-fi/fantasy films that are left feeling hollow and artificial from an
all-too obvious reliance on green screen CGI wallpaper.
And it must be said, Prometheus does contain by far the
grisliest “Alien Birth Sequence” since... I don’t know, Xtro maybe? It’s all kinds of nasty (surely responsible for the
film’s R/15 rating), and happily adds to the Alien series’ history of uncomfortable body horror. It’s far and
away the film’s most memorable part, too. In fact, I think Prometheus was at its best during those gleeful moments of full-on
schlock (watch out for the mutant geologist rampage!). I mean, I was overjoyed when the final act suddenly regressed
into slimy tentacular hilarity. Please feel free to insert your own Japanese
porn joke after the full stop.
...
You done? Good. Anyway, for all I didn’t like about Prometheus, I still ended up enjoying it way more than I should
have. I’m in Cowbows & Aliens
territory again, it would seem. Because at the end of the day, with its
botch-job storytelling, forgettable characters, gory deaths and goofy
creatures, Prometheus is a big budget
throwback to all those cheesy sci-fi horror flicks spawned from Alien’s success during the 80s. Think Inseminoid, or Titan Find. I mentioned Xtro.
While it surely wasn’t intended, Scott’s latest is cut from the same cloth,
only with some real talent and big bucks to support it.
From
the very beginning, the big issue surrounding an Alien prequel was the extent to which that original film would be
affected by any new revelations. Many of us never even wanted a back-story in
the first place to keep the saga’s mysteries unresolved. I myself was quite
relieved during Ridley’s “It’s not a prequel anymore!” stage of Prometheus’ development.
Quite
honestly, the aftershocks aren’t nearly as disastrous as they could so easily
have been. No, I’ll no longer wonder if that fossilised pilot Dallas, Kane and
Lambert first discovered in 1979 was actually some kind of highly advanced
species of elephant seal, but Prometheus
simply doesn’t give us enough answers for Alien
to be spoilt just yet. And as frustrating as many of those aforementioned
unanswered questions are... a few are rather tantalising.
I
guess we’ll have to wait for Prometheuses
to see if they really do screw it up.
